Up in my face(book)

In this week's issue of The Onion the Statshot pie chart gag is about "Why aren't we on Facebook" (and as usual, it's pretty funny).

Of course, to get the most out of the jokes in that Onion piece, one should be on Facebook. As I've noted in previous posts, I am such a sucker person.

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For me, I could make up some grand justification, but I will admit: one of the main reasons I did join was simply giving in to the relentless requests from people I knew who already were part of it. (It was much akin to when Bart and Lisa kept repeating "Can we go to Duff Gardens?" to Homer in order to get him to acquiesce to taking them to the beer company's theme park. They end up being taken by their aunt Selma instead, but the point is that their annoying efforts do succeed.)

Sometimes the path of least resistance is the best way to go, especially when all that's being asked is to sign up for some social website.

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Just because one's joins does not obligate one to actually do anything. Having been on Facebook for months now, I notice many of the people whom I've added as "friends" never appear to even log in periodically. They never leave messages on anyone's wall, nor comment on someone's photos, nor send "L'il Green Plant" virtual plants, nor engage in a Facebook chat instant messaging session, nor update their status. Whether this is because they simply are too busy with their lives or had the novelty wear off quickly and gave up (or any number of other explanations) I cannot know (and there's no point in sending them a message to ask—they wouldn't see it), but one thing is certain: No one can give them a hard time about how they haven't signed up.

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By no means do I consider myself to be the "typical" Facebook user, but after these months on it, I have found it to be not altogether worthless. I do not engage in any of the games or activities. I do not send out mass electronic greetings (such as the lascivious-sounding Superpoke). When I log in, I glance at the status updates of those who bother to do so, and occasionally I comment on them (with whatever glib response springs to mind). Sometimes I upload a few photos that are too personal for my photo site (and some that were also on the photo site, because I know not all my Facebook friends actually visit there).

And some of the time I update my status as well.

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At the top of one's page in Facebook is a field prefaced with the text: "What are you doing right now?" Of course, this is intended to spur the participants to offer some insight into themselves by composing a brief line—e.g., "Mary just got home from a concert"; "Mark hates his job"; "Sarah is very tired." (Not actual status lines. As far as I know.)

However, a strict interpretation of the question above the field leaves only one possible answer (which I will note using my own name):
"Doug is updating his Facebook status."

That is precisely what one is doing at that very moment—i.e., "right now." Typing a line in that field.

Groan all you like; it doesn't make that any less accurate.

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Recently I did actually input that as my status (which I suppose could be considered a sort of trenchant deconstruction of the activity that was entirely in line with the sort of thing I would do), and within an hour someone called me out on it, stating in a non-ironic tone that he expected something more clever from me. Obviously he considered it a cheap cop-out, and such was certainly an interpretation he was allowed.

However, even conceding it as a less-than-stellar line, the reaction implies that I'm never allowed to have an off-day with these things. If I ever had a good one (which I'm not saying I did, but apparently he thought I did), that only raised the bar from that point on.

And frankly, that's more pressure than I wanted from Facebook. (That's a reason not mentioned in the Onion chart.)

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Still, never let it be said I don't give the people what they want. So I changed my status a few minutes later:
"Doug is updating his Facebook status cleverly."

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[Sorry. You've already used up your groaning allotment per post.]

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Unrelated note: This post intentionally eschewed mentioning Groundhog Day. And the Super Bowl. Like we need to hear any more about those topics...