[email sent 31 December 2000, 8:31 pm]
In these waning moments of the year 2000, I feel as though I would be remiss if I didn't send a message wishing you well for the coming year.
Of course, our system of time-keeping is arbitrary, and the only difference between today and tomorrow is that the number of the year increments by one. (Any given day is exactly one year after a year ago, regardless of whether the calendar changes or not; the only constant is the position of the earth in its orbit.) But until intelligent robots take over and develop a new system, and since the Powers That Be have declared that the year ends December 31st and given most of us tomorrow off, enjoy yourself, be careful, and for crying out loud, don't get caught!
You may now feel free to refer to the present as "The Twenty-First Century." We will also accept allusions to the "new millennium," however, frankly, given the average human lifespan, marking time in thousand-year increments seems a little ostentatious. But hey, it's a free country. Sort of.
May 2001 be filled with joy and puppy dogs and pizza and better Simpsons episodes and salary increases for you, unless you'd prefer other things. Then you're on your own.
Happy New Year!