Biting the hand that feeds... again

Sometimes I get so frustrated with computers that I want to go back in time and prevent their successful invention in the same way that some people want to go back in time and stop Hitler.

I am not exaggerating for effect. Alas.

And yes, I am not oblivious to the likelihood that in order to travel through time would involve calculations that only computers could provide, and thus to go back and make it so they never could be developed to the point where they could be used for manipulation of time would in itself create a paradox. And yes, I am certain that even if one did travel back and prevent computers from being invented as they were in the timeline we know, all that would do is make it so someone else ended up inventing them. I know.

I didn't just fall off the proverbial hackneyed science fiction turnip truck.

Computers were destined to dominate modern life but still suck. I get it. (And the fact that somehow my computer refrained from sucking long enough to allow me to type this does not let it off the hook.)

Thus we can take some solace in knowing that they'll never actually rise up and overthrow humanity; they'd have to stop sucking consistently, and then we'd know what they were planning, and could stop it.

And if we didn't in time, well, then there's always that time-travel option.

Wait. Wasn't I ranting about something?

Digressing calms me down. Probably because it doesn't require a computer.

And we're back

Apologies to any readers who attempted to access the site through Internet Explorer earlier and got a error. That appears to have been due to an issue with code for the SiteMeter counter, which has been removed until that gets resolved.

I see a note on the SiteMeter blog that indicates they're migrating to a new platform, which I suspect may be part of all of the problem. (Just a theory on my part, however.)

In the meantime I'll have no way of knowing whether anyone's visiting, so I'm assuming my numbers are way up. However, if you get the chance, please leave a comment (by clicking the Comments link below any post) so I'll not feel completely deluded.

Mostly deluded, just not completely.

Thanks. We now return to your regularly scheduled internet...

Sticking it to me (Spam of the day)

Today I received the following email in my work inbox. Three times.

In the body of the message it indicated (and I thought):

You are receiving this e-mail because you subscribed to MSN Featured Offers. [No, I did not, but do continue.] Microsoft respects your privacy. [Really? Since when?] If you do not wish to receive this MSN Featured Offers e-mail, please click the "Unsubscribe" link below. [Yeah, right.] This will not unsubscribe you from e-mail communications from third-party advertisers that may appear in MSN Feature Offers. [Hmm. Then what is the point of clicking the aforementioned "unsubscribe" link?] This shall not constitute an offer by MSN. MSN shall not be responsible or liable for the advertisers' content nor any of the goods or service advertised. [That's for the best.] Prices and item availability subject to change without notice.

Looking at the "Unsubscribe" link at the bottom of the message, it pointed merely to the MSN homepage. Not a special page, just to the homepage. Specious.

And what, pray tell, was so important that this purported MSN email needed to alert me about?

A link to: "Free Video Nude Anjelia Jolie"

Wow. I'm not sure who this Anjelia Jolie is, but it's quite fortunate that this sender found a nude video of her. Typing her name into Google comes up with 1,370,000 hits, and those are all redirected for the far better known Angelina. Before this Anjelia hits it big, I can have the chance to see her naked.

Looking at the properties of the link, it points to an .exe on an server with only an IP address. Hmm. That sounds more like a rather paltry attempt at running a program to install a virus.

And who would be so insistent about wanting me to see this other Jolie as a scam to infect my computer?

Me.

The sender was attributed to my old work email address (before we changed domain name), one that hasn't been in use for years.

Yeesh. I hate it when I do this to myself. At least I was apparently clever enough to get the message past the spam filters. But I wasn't smart enough to get myself to fall for it.

~

Update: Tuesday, July 22, 9:35 pm
I see from my site metering that since posting the above last night, it came up in Google searches from Pennsylvania, Romania, Denmark, Philippines, and right here in California. Clearly my old work email is still working hard, getting the word about this Anjelia around.

Um, help?

So this past Wednesday evening I got off a plane at LAX and started walking through the terminal toward baggage claim when I noticed this:

Walking closer to the screen, I saw the specific message was:


It's not so much that I was surprised that they have computer problems. (I know all too well that the only way to ensure a computer will have no problems is to not turn it on.) However, there was that part of me that thought: Isn't there someone whose job it is to keep an eye on their computers?

I mean, sure, my plane landed successfully, and I would soon be retrieving my suitcase and going home, so I wasn't particularly concerned. I went on with retrieving my suitcase and heading home without giving it another thought.

I presume by now someone has noticed it, even if only because someone bound for Guadalajara mentioned it to someone who could mention it to the appropriate party. I hope so.

~

Cheap joke: Of course, given that they may have had to call in tech support, they may still be waiting to hear back.

~

[The slightly more clever material will return eventually. I hope.]

Storming out of the world

For many years now I've been part of a Microsoft Word listserv (yes, the same one mentioned in this post), and as such I've seen messages (both questions and replies) from a group of regulars, and from these pseudo-interactions we've sort of come to know certain of the more helpful and/or more interesting characters on the list.

One such person on the list over that time has been an Australian who identified himself as the Word Heretic (for he didn't go along with the dogma of Micro$oft), and he was not only very knowledgeable about the innards of the program (down to the level most people would never even know exists), he had a very colorful way of responding to questions; one might not understand his reply, but one was never bored by it. When explaining complicated subjects he'd often employ the religious metaphor; the heretical moniker was not merely a clever affectation.

It wasn't merely us on the list who were impressed by his knowledge; he'd even signed on with Microsoft in their MVP program, seeking to influence improvements in future versions. (Yes, perhaps ironic given the heretical metaphor. I digress.)

Today, he sent an email to the list stating that he'd had enough. Despite doing everything one should do to maintain a PC, his machine was going BSOD near daily, and he was quitting the MVP program and "giving up computers generally." Within hours, he said, everything (whatever that might include) would be boxed up, and that would be that. Shortly thereafter, as responses started pouring in (although not to be seen by the Heretic, who was offlist before his message hit the list), someone noted having checked the Heretic's website, which was no longer found. By all appearances, he wasn't bluffing: he'd really gone off the grid.

I concurred with the many who replied to his farewell message with words of praise and sadness that he was gone, and I certainly could relate to being fed up with computers (even without knowing them anywhere near as deeply as he did). Frankly, my thought really boiled down to this: Lucky bastard.

I was sincerely envious of being in a position to just chuck it after having one's last nerve be struck. That kind of freedom inspired genuine jealousy. I think he made a living as a freelancer, and I got the impression he was well into his middle years, so perhaps it was easy for him to declare his instantaneous retirement (from the tech world at least): no boss to give two weeks notice, etc. I don't know what will come of him, or what he'll do now, or whether it will be any better than dealing with the vagaries of these machines, but I thought being able to change one's life so dramatically that suddenly was pretty cool.

Perhaps the email to the list was his approximation of marching into the boss' office to give the "take this job and shove it" declaration, then walking out with a dramatic trail of papers following him out the door. I've seen that sort of thing in fiction, but this was the closest I'd seen in real life.

It was giving the finger to the device at which the entire industrialized world suckles. It was showing those often-godforsaken machines the comeuppance they've deserved for a long time. It was the step I could never take every time something went wrong with my computers; I'd thought of hurling the laptop out the window or bashing in the side of the desktop with a fireaxe.

It was the scene from Office Space where they get medieval on the fax machine, only without the literal destruction or the gangsta rap overdub.

And the thing about it is that one need not even have been frustrated by computers to appreciate the act. Anyone who has fantasized of just dumping one's job (read: everyone) can relate. The difference is that for the rest of us, we have to satisfy ourselves with the mere thought, being bound by our responsibilities.

The modern world, for all its conveniences and so-called advances, still has plenty to push one over the edge, to try one's patience and sanity. Moreover, it's too complicated for an individual to overcome; it's like the Borg have assimilated us already, without us realizing we were on a huge cube.

If resistance is futile, then giving up and getting out is heroic. Nay, heretical. In a very necessary way.

Big 250th Post Celebration

...has been interrupted by having to run diagnostics on my laptop, and perhaps even get to reinstall the OS. Oh, happy day.

Remember: Computers--all computers, everywhere--suck.

It is only because they don't all suck simultaneously that our modern world doesn't crumble in upon itself. Won't that be a fun time when (not if) that occurs.

So, if this proves to be the last posting... well, enjoy the archives until your machine malfunctions in some way. Or the aforementioned decimation of our technologically dependent society befalls us, whichever comes first.

Wanta Fanta? Great. But that has nothing to do with this.

One cannot stop computers from sucking, but one can mitigate the effects of computers sucking by always keeping in mind that computers suck and expecting them to suck, so that when they do one is not surprised, and during those intermittent periods when they aren't completely sucking one is as close to pleasantly surprised as one can be.

Another problem with computers: They fail to prevent run-on sentences. However, that's so low on the list of issues that we'll overlook that for our purposes here.

Something to explain most of my problems

Computers suck.

Okay, I suppose mentioning that I have made a living for the past nine years in what is ostensibly the "Information Technology" field lends some creedence to the assertion above. Or completely undermines it. Or both. However, the greatest frustrations stem from these silly amalgamations of circuits and disks and little 1's and 0's--or rather, from the unrealistic expectations built around them.

So the next time you're encountering some technological malady, remember the explanation is simple.


All I know is this: We were not meant to live this way.


[We now return you to your regularly scheduled existence, already in progress.]