Same

Some acquaintances at work only found out about me even having a fiancée when they read the LA Times article about my cover-winning photo and saw the allusion to that in the text. (It's true. Long story. Not interesting. Moving on.) And while not every one of them actually asked me about that, and the ones who brought it up had slightly different approaches, there was one aspect of their investigation (of sorts) that was the same. In referring to my fiancée, they all used the term "her."

Now, this was entirely accurate; my fiancée is, in fact, female, and thus the pronoun is applicable for what it is representing. Why does that matter, you are undoubtedly wondering.

Upon realizing this subtle consistency I grasped why there are those who oppose same sex marriage. They may claim it's forbidden in the Bible or abominates the sanctity of marriage or that it serves as a harbinger for unions between humans and other species, but that's just skirting the issue. Really, they seek to avoid the embarrassment of alluding to an unidentified pending (or current) marriage partner and know that they can safely choose the gender-specific pronoun that is the opposite of the gender of the one with whom they are speaking.

As long as the homosexuals must use the term "partner" (rather than "fiancé" or "fiancée") those who don't know better can glean from the word choice that the person they're talking to could be in a long-term relationship with a person of the same sex (one where "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" would not be appropriate any longer).

And of course, eschewing an awkward exchange with someone they didn't realize was gay certainly justifies denying that person the same right to have that person's relationship be acknowledged by the state the same way that theirs is.

I get it now.

It's all a matter of taking the time to think about the other side and what's important to them in a way that relates to one's own experience, so we can see how really we are all the same.