How it plays out

[Phone rings. He answers.]

He: Hello?

Voice: Could I speak to Mr. _____?

He: That's me.

Voice: Good evening, Mr. _____. My name is ______, and I'm calling on behalf of [candidate's name]. As you are probably aware, next Tuesday is the election, and I wanted to take just a moment of your time to tell you about [candidate's name].

He: Pardon me, but can I ask a question?

Voice: Of course. What would you like to know?

He: You want me to vote for [candidate's name], right?

Voice: Well, yes, we do believe he is the best candidate.

He: Then can I tell you what would make me vote for him?

Voice: Absolutely. What's that?

He: If we stop this conversation right now.

Voice: Excuse me?

He: I will promise you I'll vote for [candidate's name] if the next words out of your mouth are "Thank you. Good night." Otherwise I'm voting for whoever the other candidate is.

Voice: Uh…

He: Tell you what. I'm going to hang up now, and if I happen to remember to vote next week I'll see if I can recall whatever you said his name was.

Voice: [Candidate's name].

He: You don't really follow instructions well. Oh well. Good night.

[Phone hangs up.]

~

What am I looking for in a candidate? One who leaves me the hell alone.

(I am really an idealist…)