Mother needs something today to calm her down

Further evidence of ignorance being bliss:

Among the mistakes I have made over the course of my life is paying attention to the lyrics of popular songs. Not every song, mind you, but enough of the ones I've heard repeatedly to have gleaned some of the themes expressed. This does not necessarily result in me liking the song in question more or less; I may develop a greater or lesser appreciation for the songwriting, but that appeals primarily to other songwriters (or people who are frustrated songwriters). For the rest of the music-listening public, a good beat, a catchy melody, and earnestness in how the lyrics are sung by the singer (regardless of the content) prove more important in determining how much the song is liked. Some songs are acknowledged for their message or for their novelty, but they are the exception, not the rule.

Make no mistake here: There is absolutely nothing wrong with liking a song for reasons that do not factor in the lyrics. I have over 20,000 songs on my computer; I couldn't tell you what a majority of them are "about" without making the effort to listen to them closely. I could rattle off a list of the ones that really rock, or are played remarkable musicianship, or that are accessible to a larger audience than the rest of the artist's material, but to make a statement about the meaning of the words would take much longer.

In my younger days I used to make mix tapes for friends, and I'm sure there were many times when I included a song that was completely inappropriate in regards to what the lyrics were about but which had, say, that person's name mentioned at some point. Novelty without context. I imagine the only reason I didn't lose said friends was because they didn't listen that closely either. Assuming they listened at all. I digress.

Last weekend my girlfriend and I were at the mall in search of Mother's Day cards for our respective moms (both of whom live at a great distance, so we need to get them in the mail early). The ones that caught our attention were the ones that play part of a song when opened. (You've seen the commercials for them, or you can see some here.)

Glancing over the selection of these musical cards, I noticed that the songs they featured tended to be in that same vein as my old mix tapes: novelty without context. The Miracles' "Shop Around" alludes to motherly advice, certainly, and I guess that kind of fits in, but it's not really about loving mom. "I Got You (I Feel Good)" by the Godfather of Soul (James Brown—egad, if you didn't know that just stop reading now) struck me as a bit of a stretch; perhaps I'd always interpreted "when I hold you in my arms" as having slightly suggestive overtones when I should have seen it as purely innocent affection. I suppose directing all the words at one's mother and dwelling only on the "so good" (bamp-bamp) "so good, I got you" line it doesn't get too creepy. (Hey, I'm not one to judge, but it does get a bit too heavily Freudian for me at some point.)

Clearly the songs were chosen primarily because the publishing company licensed the rights to the card company, secondarily because someone at the card company considered them to have some connection with motherhood. They're popular songs that are safe with broad appeal. They should sell. That's all that mattered, I'm sure. And most all of the ones I saw fell into a category where I thought, Hey, if you want to send that to your mom, knock yourself out. Such is the joy of a free society.

One card, however, gave me pause. The front featured cartoon limes on the front, and cartoon margaritas on the inside. Hey, I'm not offended by the notion of mom needing a little tequila-fueled relief from the rugrats.

When opened the card plays the Rolling Stones' "Mother's Little Helper". Ha-ha. Yep, that's a helper, all right.

The song, of course, is not about an occasional drink; it's about the abuse of prescription medications (likely valium) amongst housewives.

But yes, it does have "mother" right there in the name of the song, and Mic and Keif won't turn down the money, so what the heck. Well, if you have that kind of relationship with your mother and her issues, you've found your card.

Without knowing the lyrics it would just be an amusing little joke with mom about what a little hellion you were in your youth (or possibly still are) and to what lengths you drove her.

Remember: It's not that I don't get it; it's that I get it more than I should.

If only there were something I could take to make me forget about such troubles, possibly in pill form...


Happy Mothers Day to all the moms.