Wednesday, November 14, 2018

Knock knock

Actual knock-knock joke our preschooler told at dinner a couple weeks ago (with our responses):

Knock-knock
(Who's there?)

Banana
(Banana who?)

Knock-knock
(Who's there?)

Banana
(Banana who?)

Knock-knock
(Who's there?)

Pickle
(Pickle who?)

Pickle you glad I didn't say "Banana"! [Cackles with laughter]

~

Happy National Pickle Day.

Sunday, November 04, 2018

Exactly how were we *saving* daylight?

If since March 11 we've been "saving" daylight then conceivably we should have a seven-month stockpile from which we could redeem some of that saved-up daylight and not have it be so dark when we leave work tomorrow.

"Daylight Saving Time" my ass; it was Daylight Having Time and we squandered it during summer when there was plenty of daylight already.

(Clearly linguists were not consulted when the policy was named.)

Tuesday, October 09, 2018

A couple moments with my son

Tonight after I put our son in bed and turned out the light he said, "Let's talk about our day, Daddy." And so I asked him about school, and he answered. Then he said (for the first time ever), "How was your day?" And I told him it was fine, which is as much as he needed to know about what it's like to be a grown-up, despite how mature he sounded when asking.

~

Earlier in the evening, without establishing any context, he had talked about how "my friends say 'poo' which has an 'o' on the end, but 'poop' has a 'p' on the end" and he was quite certain he was right and they were saying it wrong, and his pedantry was too cute for me to mention either variant is acceptable. Nor did I elaborate on how either is just what grown-ups say around young children to avoid saying words they don't want to have to explain to the teachers.

But whatever elicited his remark it surely revolved around how either "poo" or "poop" is something that is hilarious in preschool. And I'm glad he's not growing up too fast to stop enjoying that.

Sunday, September 16, 2018

Karma has no room in LA traffic

(My descent into turning into my father is complete. I'm going to talk about how long it took to get somewhere.)

Setting the stage: For my typical morning commute to work I take mostly side streets, and the key point is where I must cross a set of tracks for a light-rail line (as there are only a limited number of crossing points). Recently construction on the closest large boulevard has closed that and caused much more traffic to the smaller two-lane street I use.

At the intersection just before the tracks there is the street that proceeds straight north to the tracks and a perpendicular street where cars coming east turn left or cars coming west turn right to get on to the aforementioned northbound street. But with all the extra traffic cars back up in all three directions, because not only can the tracks be blocked when trains go by but just on the far side of the tracks is another intersection with a traffic light. So that light turns red, the northbound street backs up all the way to the previous intersection, leaving no room for more cars to proceed through at that one.

At least they shouldn't. But that doesn't stop some oblivious or inconsiderate drivers from pulling into the intersection even though there isn't room on the other side, thereby blocking the intersection when the light changes and the westbound cars (that aren't turning) cannot go.

I try not to be such an person, which seems like should be karmically good.

Saturday, September 15, 2018

Dino jingle

While reading a book about dinosaurs to our preschooler last night we came upon Ceratosaurus, and he said, "It sounds like 'Cerritos'." And I agreed that it did somewhat resemble the name of that Southern California town.

Then he sang the "Yes... Cerritos Auto Square--dot com!" jingle from the commercial for the car dealers, which presumably he'd heard on the radio while riding with Mommy.

This is why I only listen to the iPod or NPR when I'm driving in the car with him. Kids are sponges.

Thursday, September 06, 2018

Are you ready (to not watch) some football?

With the NFL season starting tonight, I wanted to state for the record:
Even though I've watched football since childhood but I will not be watching any games this season.

And it is because of the owners aligning themselves with Trump regarding the kneeling protest (and mandating those on the field must stand during the anthem). Giving that moron even an ostensible victory was too much.

I concede the CTE situation should have made it unwatchable already, but this proved the last straw.

That said, I don't think less of those who do continue watch or consider them inherently pro-Trump or against the protest by doing so. This is merely what I'm choosing to do (or not, as it were). 

Monday, September 03, 2018

When you don't get your sleeping child an In-N-Out milkshake

Last weekend while running errands our preschooler (unsurprisingly) fell asleep in his car seat. He'd eaten many snacks beforehand so when my wife and I were hungry we went through the In-N-Out drive-thru (to allow him to keep sleeping while we ate in the car) without worrying about getting him something.

Then over an hour after we left there (and had gone to two other destinations, where I stayed in the parked car with him while my wife ran into the stores) he awoke in the back seat... and noticed the empty milkshake cup in the cupholder with the chocolate and vanilla residue showing through the lid.

He then started saying he wanted a milkshake, over and over. And I kept explaining we were no longer near where they made the milkshakes. And he kept saying he wanted one. And I kept explaining. And he kept saying he wanted one.

Finally, with his lip pouting so far out one could rest objects on it, he muttered, "Worst day ever. I don't get a milkshake."

We are really bad parents. We should have disposed of the evidence before he woke up.

~

Epilogue: I gave him a little ice cream bar from the freezer when we got home and then things were fine.

Monday, August 20, 2018

Music in the '50s to the '80s, and the '80s to today: Running to standstill?

Last year U2 toured in honor of the 30th anniversary of their album The Joshua Tree.

I remember 1987 (I was just out of high school) and how much songs from that album dominated rock radio back then. It was almost nauseating, and I was someone who liked their music (but wasn't a huge fan).

I also remember what I thought of songs from thirty years earlier (1957) at that time (1987). I'd listened to plenty of the oldies station in my younger days to be familiar with the likes of Jerry Lee Lewis' "Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On" or the Everly Brothers' "Wake Up Little Susie" or Sam Cooke's "You Send Me" (I could go on). I liked all that music as well, but being from more than a decade before I was born it did seem... old. Again, it was very good, but... old.

Here's the thing: It is now just a little over the same amount of time passed since 1987 as had passed from 1957 to 1987. However, when I think about the music of 1987 now, it doesn't seem old. Intellectually I grasp that it is, but it doesn't seem old in the way 1957's music seemed in 1987--even though that same oldies station now plays mostly songs from the '80s (and wouldn't consider playing anything from the '50s).

Friday, August 17, 2018

Raising a Dodger fan

The other morning our son changed out of the shirt I'd picked out (and dressed him in), taking it off and choosing instead a Dodgers shirt instead.

I asked him if he remembered the last time he wore it, and he replied "When we went to the Dodger game." (We took him to his first professional baseball game back on Father's Day.)

I asked him if he remembered who won. He said, "The Dodgers?" (It is unsurprising that he didn't recall the outcome, given it was more about all the stuff he got to eat and chanting "Let's go, Dodgers!" But being only a preschooler the fact he made it through the entire game was remarkable.)

I had to say, "No, it was the Giants." He furrowed his face and said, "I only want the Dodgers to win."

Then Wednesday night when we got home another Dodger game against the Giants was about to start on TV. When he saw the shots of the players on both teams he asked who was the "grey team" (going on the color of the road uniforms). I answered it was the Giants, reminding him it was the team the Dodgers played when we went to the game.

Unprompted, he said, "The Giants are a sack of poop. I want them to lose all the time."

As a parent, I know in general I should dissuade that sort of "sack of poop" sentiment, but in this case I allowed it.

~

It's also worth noting the Dodgers won that Wednesday game over the Giants in extra innings.

Monday, May 28, 2018

Regarding throwing your hands in the air like you don't care

Attention DJs and MCs of the world: When I throw my hands in the air these days it is generally because I am concerned with something (often in a frustrated manner), so your directions to do so to connote insouciance are, more often than not, unheeded.

But party on, those who can.

Word up.

Thursday, May 10, 2018

Fucking shit up and fucking up shit

Ostensibly, to "fuck shit up" and to "fuck up shit" are interchangeable, but idiomatically it seems the former is intentional and the latter inadvertent.

It seems the current occupant of the Oval Office's policies seek the former while his legal team achieve the latter.

Wednesday, May 09, 2018

Spider-Man, Spider-Man does some things sort of like a spider can

Recently I saw a time-lapse video of a spider building a web, and thought:

Spider-Man really should shoot webs out of his butt to better replicate what actual spiders do. And have a healthy appetite for insects.

Obviously that's a more educational than entertaining take on the character, but eventually they'll run out of alternative reboot ideas, so feel free to run with that, Sony.