Monday, May 28, 2018

Regarding throwing your hands in the air like you don't care

Attention DJs and MCs of the world: When I throw my hands in the air these days it is generally because I am concerned with something (often in a frustrated manner), so your directions to do so to connote insouciance are, more often than not, unheeded.

But party on, those who can.

Word up.

Thursday, May 10, 2018

Fucking shit up and fucking up shit

Ostensibly, to "fuck shit up" and to "fuck up shit" are interchangeable, but idiomatically it seems the former is intentional and the latter inadvertent.

It seems the current occupant of the Oval Office's policies seek the former while his legal team achieve the latter.

Wednesday, May 09, 2018

Spider-Man, Spider-Man does some things sort of like a spider can

Recently I saw a time-lapse video of a spider building a web, and thought:

Spider-Man really should shoot webs out of his butt to better replicate what actual spiders do. And have a healthy appetite for insects.

Obviously that's a more educational than entertaining take on the character, but eventually they'll run out of alternative reboot ideas, so feel free to run with that, Sony.

Friday, September 22, 2017

Our purple nation

When people in the media refer to "purple states"—those where the populace falls between being mostly a (conservative) "red" state or mostly a (liberal) "blue" state, that clearly is thinking in terms of dyes, where red and blue make purple.

However, on the spectrum of light waves, obviously purple (violet) is nearer to blue than to red, and is not between those two colors.

Politicos prefer textile analogies over science.

Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Prep time for Alaska

I merely hope when inevitably the current president allows Russia to annex Alaska (because, as you know, it was once part of their country... 150 years ago) that he gives enough notice to Sarah Palin so she has time to learn the Cyrillic alphabet (because, as you know, she's not exactly a quick study).

(You thought I was going to make a joke about how it will be much easier to see Russia from her house, but that seemed a bit too obvious.)

Wednesday, February 08, 2017

Fight the power... but...

I know we need to keep resisting this buffoon who is currently in the Oval Office and his ridiculous cabinet and his poorly considered policies, and certainly we should, but just in case that doesn't work out I have this humble request:

If it looks like we're all going to succumb to despair, all I ask is that someone give me a heads-up as early as possible so I can do it without just seeming like I'm jumping on the bandwagon.

Thank you.

Saturday, January 07, 2017

Squishy

Our three-year-old son has taken to occasionally wanting to hold my arm for a few seconds as a soothing gesture when I put him to bed. And it's not my wrist he seeks but my bicep; he has even gone so far as to ask me to roll up my sleeves to grant him better access to that part of the upper arm.

As a parent of a pre-schooler, I am generally tired and will appease him because it means he will go to sleep faster.

At first I thought he found it comforting to touch the muscle, as though it made him feel safe to be near his strong Daddy. Then he started squeezing my bicep and gleefully saying it was "squishy."

Here's the thing: I am absolutely certain in his mind that is a colossal compliment. That his father has a part of the arm which he can squeeze is apparently what makes him feel better in those moments after I've turned off the light in his room.

It is that oblivion that makes it somewhat endearing, and allows me to put aside societal conditioning about musculature when he specifically asks for "the squishy part" (as has become his preferred phrasing).

I could be more physically fit (of course), but rather than this inspiring me to hit the gym I am merely pleased he hasn't figured out a way to try to grab my stomach. Which I'm sure will only be a matter of time until he does.

And I'm sure I'll learn to live with that, because while I may only be doing so-so when it comes to being "in shape" I can roll with such things by being in reasonably decent parenting condition. Or, again, too tired to object.