Honk-hole

Last week one evening I drove across town to meet a friend for dinner. For the several miles heading east down the main thoroughfare there was another car that had caught my notice, as the driver was weaving back and forth between the two lanes, occasionally riding the bumper of the car in front of him, and generally being a jerk. I stayed in the right lane most of the way, and for most of the way he stayed in the left—and I was happy to have that distinction.

Somehow as we got farther along he still hadn't passed me, and as we got over to a portion that passes through a park he was actually behind me, but amazingly not riding my tail. Through that stretch I was maybe doing 40 to 45 (probably a little over the speed limit, actually). As I approached the intersection on the far side of the park, where there was a traffic signal at a relatively small cross street, the light turned amber for our direction. I quickly gauged that from the distance where I was at that point if I gunned it I'd still hit the light after it turned red, and there was more than sufficient room to slow to a stop without having to lock 'em up or anything. So I applied the brakes, and although it wasn't necessarily a gradual stop I still had no problem ceasing the car's motion before the crosswalk.

The driver in the black car, who as I noted was not that close but was still in the same lane, had no choice but to also stop, of course. However, as he did so he honked at me. And not a little beep but really laying into it. It wasn't that he'd had to stop hurriedly; it seemed pretty clear that his frustration stemmed from that he figured I would blow through the red and intended to follow me. Not that he would have been remotely close to making the amber, but obviously that was of little concern to him. He was pissed off that I actually complied with the traffic laws and thus forced him to do so as well.

In short, his dismay stemmed from the fact that I wasn't an asshole like he was.


I've been driving for 26 years now, and experienced a lot of situations, but this was the first time I'd been honked at for abiding by the rules. I'm a fuddy-duddy, I know, but I have this wacky desire not to needlessly endanger myself or others.

~

Now, if I mention that the car was a recent model BMW, does that change your perception of the situation at all?

For me, it leaves me utterly… what's the opposite of shocked and surprised?

Astute readers will have noticed that I suggested that this sort of self-centered jerkishness is to be expected from those who drive BMWs. And to that I should clarify: I'm not suggesting it; I'm declaring it outright.

This is merely the latest example in my experience that has contributed to my general belief that, at least when they're behind the wheel, someone driving a BMW—and I mean the newer, obviously expensive ones, not older, worn ones—there's about a 75% chance that he (or she) is an asshole.

I will note for the record that I do know personally more than one person who owns a BMW automobile, and no, I'm not saying that I think they are assholes.

Those people are the reason the odds were only 75% and not 95%.

~

I'm not suggesting that these people should be rounded up or that BMWs should be outlawed. I'm sure they're fine, well-made automobiles. And further I contend it's entirely likely that these 75% who are assholes would be that way regardless of what make of car they drove. And I fully concede that there's plenty of drivers of other makes and models who are just as bad. However, those motorists haven't inadvertently organized themselves well enough in a display of arrogant driving like the BMW drivers have, and thus they haven't emblazoned in to my brain the same association.

If you happen to drive a BMW (and are still reading) and took offense to any of the above, may I suggest you go out of your way to be extra considerate when you're driving. Whether you meant for it or not, your car makes you part of a group with a bit of a rep, and that's not going away; only can it be supplanted by establishing another reputation.

You do have the power to change my mind. What your group did to my perceptions could be undone, and I assure you: I'd be delighted if that happened.

Start by staying off the horn.