Freak out

What to be for Halloween? Every year it's the same dilemma: Any good costume idea comes to me way too late to actually pull it off in time for my friend's annual party. Trying to think of ideas with weeks or months to go makes the most sense, and we try that, but it never works out for one simple reason: Only the pressure of being down to the wire really inspires me. I can't fake those conditions ahead of time.

This is one of my many flaws. I shan't make a joke about it making me charming.

The costume should be clever enough so that when people see it and discern what it is they compliment it, but it shouldn't be so clever that it needs to be explained. It's perfectly acceptable for it to be somewhat disturbing, but given that it's a party where ultimately all we're doing is hanging out, drinking and talking, it shouldn't be nausea-inducing (which is different from nauseating). Referencing something in the popular culture can be the most clever, but can also backfire if it isn't recognized.

Most important, it shouldn't require staying in character all night. That's just annoying (not only for others but for me as well—I am not a thespian, as everyone knows).

For a while the leading candidate was zombie Dane Cook, but I feared I wasn't familiar enough with his style and mannerisms to really pull it off--and no one would get it without the act. ("You know what's great? Eating human flesh with some Pringles and a glass of milk—delicious in my undead belly." "You know who I'd really like to eat? My Employee of the Month co-star Jessica Simpson… oh yeah!") That'd get old fast.

My girlfriend put the kibosh on any cape-wearing. Considering I have three, that did reduce my last-minute idea possibilities considerably. (Perhaps I shouldn't admit that in this pseudo-public forum. Eh, oh well.)

Saturday, the day of the party, I still wasn't sure. However, my girlfriend is wonderfully creative, and it's easy to pick up some makeup and pull out the box of stuff from previous Halloweens and allow myself to be her canvas.

So, what did we end up going with? See for yourself:

I'm the one who's not Fat Elvis.
Undead... kinda punker... guy.

Gimme a cheeseburger. Or human flesh.

Focus on the neck wound. Yes, those are safety pins sticking out.

Someone asked how we did it. First, you get a serated knife...

Oh well. We hit nausea-inducing anyway. Next year I'll try to be something cute... like a teddy bear... a zombie teddy bear...

Happy Halloween everybody!